Who am I?
by lmaosfomgcslhs
Summary: Grimmjow has become dependant on their encounters, has Ulquiorra too? A personal insight to Ulquiorra's thoughts. UlquiXGrimm oneshot. Rated M for language and mild sexual content :


**Who am I?**

Ulqui-grimm one shot fic

Where was I? This couldn't be the same place I was a few moments ago. No, this place was so different. It was no longer white, plain, unmoving; it was blue. I had never seen such a color before; so bright and alive. It was constantly moving, shifting, changing; it was beautiful. It sucked away the empty white and swallowing black colors. It replaced the blankness; the boredom, loneliness, the static feeling of the rooms and people; even if for only a short period of time. It was worth letting go a little.

Who was this? This couldn't be the same person I was with a few moments ago. No, he was different. He was no longer bitter, common, unmoving; he was blue. I had never seen him in such way; wanting, demanding, to the point where he was physically begging me; he was beautiful. He was constantly changing, moving, fluctuating. He took over the blankness; the emptiness, the bareness, the overall lack of feeling that ate away at my system; even if only for a short period of time. It was worth the self hate afterwards.

What was this? This couldn't be the same tone he used a moment ago. No, it was so much more. It was not longer harsh, demanding, and defensive; it was blue. I had never seen him speak in such a way before…

My blank, dark world was overrun with the electric feeling of pure blue. I thought of only one thing, saw only one thing, felt only one thing; blue. I mentally smiled at his form, his back pressed into my mattress, his face trying desperately to stay angry, to push away the red tint on his checks; but loosing to the unbearable want, need for me. It amused me to what lengths he would go to; allowing me to tower over him, his beautiful bare body open and venerable to my gaze. His legs separated, bent at the knees, just begging me to enter him. To get this over with and deny it ever happened, to yell at me and tell me it would never happen again. And for a period of time I would believe him, until he would come crawling to my room one day months from now begging again, wanting to get it over with so we can deny our habits. So we can repeat the cycle again someday.

His eyes were filled with unwanted passion, staring at me with an icy blue grip. They were only as harsh as he could get them to be, which wasn't very when compared to his normal stature. It never ceased to amuse me that I was the only one who could pull him into such a state without even trying. I did nothing but exist, and that bothered him to the core in so many different ways. It also came with a slight pride that still dwelled in my system that I continuously tried to swallow. The same feeling came back to me when I saw him with a slight limp the next day, his face more uninviting than any other occasion.

His skin intrigued me to a point where it shouldn't. The memory of his smooth skin was almost enough to make me want him, almost. I loved the way his dark, tanned skin contrasted against my white, pale flesh. The way we looked so different when our bodies were molded together. How his electric blue hair would look so bright against my dark ebony hair. It gave me a sense of comfort knowing how different we were. It helped drive the thought of us being 'one' away. Then again, it made me wonder why that thought would come up in the first place. Maybe it was simply how intrigued I was with him. He interested me and amused me at the same time. Maybe it was the memory of blue.

The sounds he made filled my body with the overwhelming feeling of blue. He would bite his lips until they bled before he made a noise anywhere close to loud, but when he did… He would whimper, grunt, even moan at some points, but I had to work for him to scream. Only a few times I've herd his scream, and oh god when he screamed I would feel myself almost pushed over the edge at that moment. My entire body would shudder and my mind would go blank and numb with that blinding blue.

What was this feeling? This obviously wasn't the same thing I felt a few moments ago. No, this was better. This wasn't cold, stark, or physically draining; it was blue. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help the pure feeling of blue. I couldn't help the fact I welcomed it, wanted it even. It was beautiful and filled my world with something that didn't torcher me. It brought pure pleasure and left behind the slight purple bruises on my hips to prove it. It left the memory of that amazing ass that consumed my cock so beautifully. It left the memory of those rosy lips that I wouldn't dare admit how much I crave for. It left memory of his wonderful taste and smell that I could become lost in for the rest of my worthless life. It left behind the slight nervous feeling and me denying to myself I was addicted.

I was afraid to admit I was addicted, hopelessly dependent on our encounters. Not in love, but dependant.

Who am I? I couldn't be the same person I was a few moments ago. No, I had become different. I was no longer white, plain, unmoving; no longer Ulquiorra Cifer, no longer the fourth espada. I was no longer emerald-eyed, no longer raven-haired, no longer pale white. Something had changed. It wasn't temporary, I couldn't just shrug it away and carry on. My definition of myself had changed drastically, almost painfully.

I was dependant, changing, alive.

I was blue.

And it was beautiful.

**Hey hey hey. That was fun =).**

**Im not sure why I wrote this. I just kinda, went along with it. You HAVE to review because im still trying to improve on my expressive pieces. Im struggling slightly trying to get the full set of emotions I want into such a short oneshot. I will do more ulquiXGrimm later. I love them. It intruiges me that two people so opposite simply work together so well =)**

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